5 lessons I learnt as a Mom

No two kids are alike and hence nothing that has worked with one kid will work with the second kid. I had always believed that parenting is simple and easy (Big Mistake) and assumed I will be a natural and a perfect model for Johnson’s baby ads! How tough can it be? Kids sleep, drink milk, talk sweet nothings and you just have to make them laugh and play with them when they are babies. As they grow up they will learn everything, right! (Totally Wrong!!!) Well, these were the ideas that I had before my baby came along and then I was in for a rude shock!!

That’s when I realized being a parent, is a life long work in progress. Nothing prepares you for it. You cannot learn it nor can you master it. But you do learn a lot from your children. In the following years, after my child’s birth I learnt a few things. Things that have helped me be a better person and hopefully a better parent.

Parenting can be stressful – This is the first thing I learnt as a became a Mom. It also made my respect for my mom grow manifolds. Being  a parent is a thankless job and yet one of the most cherished posts in the world. I respect the fact that I am responsible for growing and nurturing two humans and doing it well is something that I take seriously. I need to be a role model for my children – someone who is responsible, capable of taking tough decisions and never overtly dependent on others.

Focusing on my ‘Me’ time-  As a mother,I ended up losing my identity and choices. I fussed about my children’s choices and wants, family’s requirement and other priorities. I ended up being at the bottom of this priority list. That’s when I observed, my kids never missed on their TV time or play time. They said it made them happy and that’s when it hit me. I need to enjoy things in life to be completely productive. My children made me realize the importance of ‘me’ time.

Keeping my temper in check –I was always known for having a terrible temper. My mom always asked me to keep it in check. Doing a hundred good is wasted with one bad word, she would say. Sadly, I never took those words seriously. However after kids, when I lost my temper and saw their scared faces, I realized how wrong I was. Over the years I have learnt that losing temper hardly serves anything, but arguing without raising my voice can help make a difference. Not that I have mastered this skill. It is still a work in progress but I have made a promise to myself that I will continue working on it.

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To be at the receiving end of nasty remarks, yet chinning up and staying put – When you are a mom for two kids, you end up being in the middle of many fights. While you try to be fair, there are times when the children see you as a villian. The things that you try and enforce as an important rule for their betterment, is seldom seen like that.In situations like these the children lose their temper and say some nasty things. They might not mean it and say in the heat of the moment, but it hurts nevertheless. It is at times such as these, I learnt that I need to put my emotional side away and focus on what is good for my kids and be steadfast in my decisions. They will thank me later.

Always be ready for unknown contingencies- Being a mom of two has made me an amplifier of contingencies.I over think every situation. I am on high alert at all times and I have a solution for almost everything. I know that just when you think you have it all under control life throws a bouncer and you need to figure it out.

I am still a long way from being a pro at this. Still learning new things every day, working hard to be a good parent everyday, trying to be a better version of me. But I am happy in the knowledge that I have learnt a lot on the way

Linking it up with #MMM Monday Mommy Moments by Deepa Gandhi and Amrita Basu 

Down the memory lane

We were back after two decades in those familiar surroundings

Much had changed, yet nobody felt out of place

Such was the charisma of ‘College Reunion’ that nobody was too busy to miss.

The once loved faces and figures were transformed by wrinkles and pot bellies

Yet, no one felt the need to hide or a reason to point.

The evening that had started with an awkward ‘hello’, soon gave way

to loud laughs, nostalgic memories, back-slaps and continuous chatter

The college queen of yester-years was today a chic kitty party diva

The secret crushes of yesterday, shared a hearty laugh and swapped family mantra

The first benchers seemed disenchanted in their secure governement jobs

The smart ones shared their corporate growth with anyone who cared

And it was the back-benchers who spoke about investment, entrepreneurship and profits.

The bitter foes of past had patched up and once passionate lovers were amicable strangers today

Yes, much had changed, yet today was special.

Coz, the unforgettable past and the beautiful future converged on the borders of today as we took a trip down the memory lane

Linking this up with BlogChatter prompt of the week

Envy

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I envy you, he thought

I envy you…. she thought, as they crossed each other.

Both were around seven, and both longed to be in others shoes

She had a sackful of books on her back, rushing off to yet another class as her nanny tugged her hand

He sat by his balloon seller dad, with some tattered books and broken toys to keep him company

Both envied the other, one for her luxuries and other for his freedom

Both felt the grass was greener on the other side

What they didn’t know was that the greenest of all was the colour of Envy

ALL ABOUT THE WOMAN

Mute Anguish

The normally buzzing and raucous maternity ward of the government hospital, seemed somber to Hira

She had just delivered a baby girl and was shifted to the ward – there was no one with her,

She was married in a large family as her husbands second wife – only married to deliver a son for the zamindar.

Her husband had kicked her out of the house, when they realized it was a girl and Hira refused to abort.

She was scared and worried. Nothing seemed to make sense to her

She knew that a long and tedious struggle awaited her, but she wasn’t worried about that.

Just then the doctor walked in and she quickly asked her about the baby.

The doctor assured her that the baby was well and will be with her in sometime.

Hira’s joy knew no bounds when she was told that the baby was perfectly healthy

In a world, where girls were considered mere commodities, she dreaded to think of her daughters fate had she been born deaf and mute as her.

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Hira had lived a life of a second-class citizen all her life. She was a burden to her poor parents who already had 8 mouths to feed.

No speech, translated to no education as it was considered a waste to educate a mute girl.

She was nothing more than an unpaid servant in her parents house.

Married off at the age of 15 to a wealthy zamindar thrice her age, Hira was just a dignified servant in her husband’s house.

Brought in just to work and fulfill the needs of her horny husband. She was supposed to give a son to continue their family’s name.

Now abandoned by her family and husband, her glimmer of hope was her daughter. As the nurse gave the baby to Hira. She held her close and prayed with all her heart. She only begged for a better life for her daughter.

 

Capricious and brutal temptress -Stress

A capricious and often brutal temptress

She is frail, with no strength of her own.

Everyone ignores her, and don’t take her into account,

While her parasitic nature, hides behind a vulnerable exterior

She tiptoes into your life, while you are running behind your dreams, and suddenly takes over,

Nobody believes they are susceptible, but she can make the mightest of them bow

She toys with young and old, toddlers and kids,

She spares no one, she loves no one.

Such is her grip on life that

She lives a veiled existence yet people dread talking about her.

If undetected, she gets her friends depression and anxiety

Together they slowly choke the life out of your well wishers- joy, drive, inspiration.

By then, it’s too late, all you can do is watch in helplessness or list help and fight.

Yet many are ashamed to agree that they are in her cluthes

And prefer a silent death over a simple solution

It is better to talk and than be sorry.

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Linking this post to #ClickandBlog a story #Week5

ALL ABOUT THE WOMAN

Shocking Excuses I came across after the recent molestation case.

After the latest Bangalore molestation incident, I was horrified at reading the many excuses that cropped up. I was beyond angry. Every silly excuse got me worked up, with choicest of explicit’s leaving my mouth. Not proud of it, but it got me thinking. It’s high time we stop ignoring these comments as one of. I am putting down my replies to such silly comments. It is important that we reply back in the language they understand and show them that we do see through the smokescreen that they are trying to create.

Not all Men are like that – This one was rebuked online and rightly so. Of Course! we know not all men are like this, but it certainly doesn’t help. Even one in a hundred who acts bad ends up being responsible for scarring a dozen lives and that’s a lot. Also though not all men are like that, not all men offer help either. Shouldn’t that change?

It’s all because of the media and movies- This is one of the most hilarious ones that I have heard. How come we don’t see a similar number of people being influenced to join the armed forces or follow a celebrated athlete? Blaming anything other than that person’s mentality is like spinning a Shekhchilli story. If you can’t help being influenced, don’t watch – Period!

Girls shouldn’t own cellphone – This is taking evils of technology a little too far. It’s a great idea for some sci-fi movie, but if you believe this as a reality, then not even Google can help you. Frankly, it’s the boys who shouldn’t own a cell phone or at least there should be high scrutiny before allowing them to own one. Incidents like watching porn while on duty or in the Parliament prove that not all men are mature enough to know what to watch where. And to say that they are influenced by it, shows they certainly don’t know the difference between reel and real.

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Girls shouldn’t venture out with men who are not relatives – Such statements make me wonder if we have really moved forward from the medieval period. Had Jhansi Rani, Rani Channamma, Razia Sultan etc. waited for such male companions, the history of India would have been different. Who will guarantee that the same male relative will not turn into an offender? We don’t need protection we need respect as a fellow human being.

It was a drunken mistake – This is one of the classics, supposedly influenced by media. Well, if you can’t handle it don’t drink. Period! Why should someone else suffer for your incapability? Grow up!

It’s not like she was raped. She was just touched – Really! So, say a girl just strips you in the middle of the road or slaps you for no reason, there is no reason to be outraged. After all, it wasn’t like she killed you. Please google up something called personal space. Violating it is nothing short of a crime.

It’s okay as long as you don’t get caught – How can that even come up as an excuse is beyond me! This is akin to all the Salman Khan-black buck/hit and run case jokes doing the round. So if your wife cheats on you, it’s okay as long as she is not caught in the act?

It’s okay if you don’t know the girl – This sure stems out of some twisted kind of family and societal love. How can it be even logical? Who gave you the right to invade anyone’s personal space? Known or unknown is not even the criteria! Saying this is like saying, next time someone kicks you to a pulp, you will excuse that person, just because you don’t know him.

It is high time we stop making silly excuses and come up with a comprehensive plan to fight these incidents, report them and ensure there are stricter consequences for it.

What are your thoughts on this? Have you come across any silly excuses? do share in the comments below.

Book Review- Someone to Love

Book- Someone to Love

Author – Ruchita Misra

Published by- Harper Collins

Available on- Amazon, You can buy a copy here Someone to Love
‘I received a copy from Writersmelon in exchange for an honest and unbiased review.’

This is a beautiful and engaging romantic novel. It’s a story that tugs at your heart strings. Though the story is predictable, the author has done a good job at keeping the readers guessing. I love it when the characters are real and relatable, hence enjoyed the many layers to every character. The narration is interesting, and you just can’t put the book down.

This is a story of Koyal and Atharva. A charming love story of childhood friends and soulmates, with a deep rooted connection.  Someone to love is a haunting tale of love, longing and turmoil. It is a story of destiny’s cryptic play. The story is predictable so there is nothing new there, but the narration is beautiful and that is what makes a predictable story engaging. Somewhere along you feel like you are reading the story version of “Kuch Kuch hota hai” (a hindi movie from the 90’s) but that quickly fades away. Your heart aches for Koyal and Atharv as the narration unfolds and though you know for about 80% that all will be well in the end, you still can’t stop brooding.

While the author has maintained a sense of suspense till the end, when it is actually revealed you feel a little disappointed. You can’t stop yourself from thinking that maybe it was too much ado over nothing. The author has done a great job building characters. You can instantly picture a smiling, kind Atharva or the kind and feisty Koyal. The way the characters mature as destiny plays her hand is also well etched.

Overall Someone to Love is an engaging and lovable romantic novel that is hard to put down. This is the first time that I read a Ruchita Misra novel and I will certainly be reading her other titles.

An Unlikely Pair

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She lay there, crying and helpless.

He came, fought against all odds to save her.

She was a 3 day old baby, left on the streets to die

He was an eunuch, dejected with the world’s suspicious eyes

Both were sad, but had a will to live

While the cruel world schemed against them

They found happiness with each other.

 

Linking up to BlogChatter Prompt Because I am Happy. This is not exactly me being happy, but it does try to spread some happiness, so the link-up.